The beat up by commentators of Australian players at the Australian Open is vomit-inducing, and probably contributes to why I find it so difficult to endear myself to Australian tennis players. Most of them, by and large, aren't good enough to warrant the hype, and it's frustrating to hear such relentless rubbish.

Thankfully, Jim Courier is there to balance the ledger a little bit tonight.

For what it's worth, Lleyton Hewitt is a wanker, regardless of which country his mother pointed her vagina towards while in labour, so I'm more than happy to be on A-Rod's side here.

The mind-numbing jingoism of the Australian Open (while there are still Aussies in the draw), is the reason why evening sessions in the first week bore me to tears. I could be watching good matches instead - if I wasn't in bed, and away from Foxtel for the moment.

And while I'm at it, Bernard Tomic is a douchebag. His lame stunt of trying to drag my favourite ever tennis player into the Tomic/Hewitt feud by lying and insinuating that Juan Carlos was lying, doesn't really endear me to him either.

'mon the Dog Lollipop!

You are my Howson,
my Jonny Howson.
You make me happy,
when skies are grey.
So fuck your Lampards,
And Stevie Gerrards.
Just don't take my Howson away...

Hattrick in 15 minutes. What a legend!

<3



- Panda

Dear Matthew Knights,

Kill yourself.

No love,

- Amanda
(member of the Essendon Football Club for 16 years)

[Edit: Matthew, after your (long awaited) sacking, I no longer wish for you to top yourself. As long as you promise never to step foot inside MY football club ever again, that should suffice. Maybe...]

I am so over the amount of people falling all over themselves in order to get a new iPhone. Yay, another addition to the wanky, over-priced fashion accessory family... *cringe*

It's a phone... Get a grip.

It's also annoying how many people think that everyone else wants to see their new fashion accessory. It's like children in the playground trying to prove they they're cool. In the end, I just think they're lemmings that will eat up anything that the marketing department of Apple tells them.

This is despite the fact that there are far superior smart phones on the market with better features and better user interfaces than the iPhone. But zomg, they don't have as many apps. in their app. stores. How will I ever use my phone as everything other than what it's actually intended for?

As I write this, I can also say that I miss my N97. I can also advise all people out there that if it's dirty, don't try and put it through a washing machine. This does not in fact help it very much at all. It didn't help my one, anyway. I accept that it was an accident (not me), but I still miss my phone. =\

Yes, it was a smartphone and had some wanky features that I didn't need, but I didn't use many of them. I like the fact that it had wi-fi. That was pretty much it. I also loved the keyboard, because it was so simple and effective to type on. However, I predominantly used it to call people and to text people. The 2 main features of any phone. I don't need a phone to simulate a shotgun if I flail my arm around. That is what shotguns are for.

*sigh*

Let's just hope my phone is covered on insurance, otherwise it was stolen...
As it is as the moment, it's a very expensive paper weight (that I owned outright!).

In summary, iPhones are wanky, and I don't want to hear about what ridiculous app. you downloaded to increase the wank factor.

That is all.

- Panda

- Jack-O-Panda

Ahoy, it's that time of year again. Happy international talk like a pirate day YARRR!!



Ahoy me mateys. May your rum be flowin' and your bootys be pillaged!

There's but one pirate rule of thumb
Drink and share all your rum
but if you drink the last,
you'll be up the mast
until all of your bits are quite numb.

Yar har har!

- Panda The Busty Pirate Wench

I is sick.

Disintegrating as I type. No good.

I feel all weak and have a headache - which I've just popped a couple of Nurofen for - and have nautical-themed toilet paper stuck up each nostril for two reasons. For one, it stops my nose from running, and two, it stops me breathing through my nose, which at this point hurts.

The box of Strepsils recommends that I have one lozenge every two to three hours, and since about 1pm, I've so far had 8. I'm going to overdose on Strepsils - fun fun.

Yes, yes, woe is me. I would really like a hug right about now, but since there isn't one around here on offer, I will instead give myself a good ol' dose of Harden The Fuck Up.

That is all...

- Panda

Like the good old pansy that I am, I will spend a decent proportion of my day tearing up, as I do every year on this day for some reason. It just gets to me - and it can be something stupid that sets me off. Although, The Last Post is a killer and gets me every time.

It's going to be weird not being at the MCG and not having my parents, or other regular footy-goers around me, but we'll see how it pans out.

Also, FUCK! In regards to Alwyn Davey. For one, he's awesome, and two, he's in my SuperCoach team - and I'm considering trading him now before close today. I know he's out of today's match and I will still get decent coin for him, but at the same time I don't know how serious the injury is and if it's worth trading him yet. From all reports it's not good, but I dunno if I can trust all reports! Perhaps I'm in denial, and don't want to believe it could be happening - I seem to be good at that. He will have scans on Monday to determine how bad it is, but they aren't confident. DILEMMA!

Happy ANZAC Day to my fellow Aussies, and the Kiwis, I suppose! Can't have ANZAC without the "NZ" - we'd just be "AAC" without you guys, and I can't really imagine eating AAC Biscuits!

- Panda

P.S I am aware that the picture says 2007, but I don't care - it looks cool.

Oh yes, I am a genius.

I decided that I wanted a vanilla shake from my local McDonalds tonight. So, I went to get one, and with it I had a mental list of shakes and sundaes for other people.

I went to Quix first and got some money and a couple of other things and then did some quick maths in my head (which is always dangerous) to figure out how much the shakes and sundaes would cost. I rounded it off to about $12 in my head, and was on my way.

When I got to the drive-thru, I placed the order and saw it come up on the screen and saw the price as $15 (approximately). I thought, “That’s odd” but progressed anyway, convinced that I’m just really bad at maths nowadays.

I got to the next window and paid and got my receipt. Without thinking, I progressed to the last window and waited for my order while listening to the back-end of the All Sport Superquiz on SEN.

The girl at the window handed me a tray with the contents of my order in it and I drove off. As I just got out of the drive-thru lane, I thought “there’s something not right here” and something snapped in my brain. I realised why it had been more expensive than I anticipated.

Basically, it’s because I’m a stooge.

For the past few nights, I have been going out and getting myself slurpees – basically because I’m hooked on the things and I love them so much. While out to get a slurpee, my dad had been consistently asking me to get him a large chocolate shake from Macca’s, but the machine had been either not working, or being cleaned.

Tonight, he specifically said to me that he wanted a large chocolate SUNDAE and said it with particular emphasis on the word sundae. I was like “Yeah yeah, I got it”, and set off on my way.

I didn’t forget to get him his sundae, because I remembered that I had to get two of them, one for him and one for Mish. Problem is, in my mind he still wanted the large chocolate shake, so I ended up ordering that as well by some weird reflex.

Since I already had a shake for myself, and Travis had his, I didn't know what to do with it. It was chocolate, so I didn’t want it, neither did Mum, so I just gave it to Dad as well. I don’t think he minded too much considering he wanted one for so long and was denied. Plus, it was free … for him.

- Panda

I hate this day.

In all seriousness, what purpose does it serve other than to piss non-religious people off?

I'm not going to forgo eating meat today, because of some religious thing I'm not into, if that is what I choose to do. But that's another issue. The main issue I have with Good Friday is that nothing worthwhile seems to be open or operating. So, everyone has their day off, and can't enjoy it because everything is closed.

Not only that, but we also have to be subjected to an entire day's-worth of the Good Friday Appeal. It's painful. I mean, I'm all for donating to the Royal Children's Hospital on Good Friday and will do so if I venture out anywhere and come by a place to offer up some cash; but this day-long torture session complete with all the Channel 7 stars (hooray!) is just not my cup of tea.

Fine, put it on the airwaves for a few hours here and there to remind everyone of the good cause. Maybe a couple of hours in the morning, then a break, a couple in the mid-afternoon, another break, and finish off into the night with the sparkling crescendo of Andrew O'Keefe butchering a much-loved classic simply because "Uncle Johnny" could sing.

Unfortunately, the other stations don't help ease the pain at all with their regular "bad daytime TV" scheduling. I should thank my lucky stars that I may be able to find an episode or two of M*A*S*H on Fox Classics to keep me bordering on sane.

I also have a problem with the AFL not scheduling matches on Good Friday. Why not? The NRL doesn't seem to have a problem with it, and I certainly can't see one. Is it because they need Telstra Dome for the Good Friday Appeal? Or maybe it's because of the potential loss of income from decreased meat pie sales...

It's ridiculously stupid. Don't they realise that If they scheduled matches on a day when just about everyone is bored out of their minds, people are more likely to come out of the woodworks and go to a match not involving their team, simply for something to do?

I'm going to get a case of cabin fever today, I can feel it. Then I'm going to want to go out and do something and I'm going to be met with the realisation that "no, you cannot do this" and "no, you cannot do that", because everyone has got the day off for Good Friday.

I'm quite a discontent little panda today.

However, I've done my dash and it's rant over

- Panda